just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
