So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
