They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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