Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
