Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
