We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she pinky promised me she was 18
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
