Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
