The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
