Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
