can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
