so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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