I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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