Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
