I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize