I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
