For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
