I think I am morally bankrupt
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
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