i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize