i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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