my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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