we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
