Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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