I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
