ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
