we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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