I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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