bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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