I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
