I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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