remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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