I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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