Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
