he puts the penis in happiness.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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