The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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