so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
