It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
So here I am, sexting at work.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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