What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize