Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
