Ambien. No doubt about it.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
