That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
