So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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