Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Randomize
