So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
