Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
my being single is dangerous.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
