Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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