If i come over, it means nothing
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
