Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
