i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
