I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
