im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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