I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
