He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
