There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
