Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
