I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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