K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
