I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
