1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
