you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize