the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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