true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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