is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
