hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
