Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
