Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
