so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
