Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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