dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
