i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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