He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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