he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
