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There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
